The Gift of Now
When both my pets got ill, I was faced with a new set of problems and grief but also with unexpected blessings.
At the beginning of October, when I got back home from Gaeta, after having hosted my September Italian language immersion Retreat, I couldn’t wait to write a post with pictures of how the event had gone. I was bubbling with excitement.
However, when I got back home, I found some sad developments.
Both my pets, Tiger and Jaime were having health issues.
Jaime has been having trouble with her back legs since August. She’d improved a lot but the day after my return, she got into a fight with a dachshund - sigh, I know it sounds funny- and hurt her not completely healed legs again.
She’s back to limping her way around and it felt like we were back to square one.
When she had her first problems with her legs, the vet said to keep her completely rested for three months. Easier said than done, clearly.
It’s hard to see an animal suffer when they can’t communicate their needs in any way.
Her short walks have become an ordeal. Now, she’s slowly, very slowly getting better but it will take time and lots of caution. And no dachshunds.
With Tiger instead, I had the shock of seeing her very changed on my return. She’d lost a lot of weight and was clearly in a lot of anguish.
She’s got cancer and because she’s seventeen, surgery isn’t really an option I want to pursue.
I don’t know how much she’s got. I’m focusing on making her days with us as pleasant as possible for her.
With her, I’ve navigated so many stages of my life.
Family loss, friendships, moving house, relocations, illness. She was there in all those moments. A quiet partner and witness. But also, a supporter in difficult times.
For those who have been with me for a while, you know how much she’s been my muse and the subject of countless posts both on Instagram and here on Substack.
Cat people here will understand perfectly the incredible power that cats have of taking up space in your life and getting you to reflect on even the most mundane things with renewed awe.
When I found out about her illness, I was distraught. Then, I snapped out of it because I realized that I was making it about me and that was selfish and not supportive. But most of all, that selfishness was depriving me of something very precious.
It was robbing me of the present moment.
I don’t have any control over her illness or over the days that lie ahead. But I DO have some control over how I decide I want to live now.
What to be grateful for
Our pets give us so many gifts that we don’t often take the time to give thanks for.
Dogs give us the joy of forcing us to go out no matter how bad the weather is so that we get to see the world in its entirety and not only the edited version we want to see.
They also give us the joy of small things, the enthusiasm over life and the sense of awe. The list could go on.
With Tiger, I’m getting the gift of now.
This luxurious present allows me to forget about all the planning, hoping, expectations, and living for the future. I get to leave it all aside because there’s nothing better than the present moment.
As an online business owner, my thoughts are often on the next project, the next collaboration, the next exciting event, the next course.
So, after that initial bout of despair, I’m embracing taking things one day at a time. For real.
If she wants to cuddle with me while at my laptop, that clearly takes first place in my day.
Anything I can reschedule, I do.
I can’t really share this with anyone, except close friends who have cats. But come to think about it, if Tiger were a person, probably things wouldn’t be that different.
As people, understandably so, we’re scared of the painful emotions associated with any sort of loss to the point that we want to avoid them altogether.
We’d rather be distant than let the discomfort in our lives.
Anyway, this is where I’m at. My days are here, on my couch with my snoozing cat next to me as I write.
As I tap this post here on my laptop, Tiger is quite well, all considered. She’s incredibly thin but she’s never looked more powerful and arresting to me.
I remind myself that she doesn’t know she has cancer and in that, she’s so much luckier than I am.
Because she’s seventeen, the cancer is growing slower than it would with a younger animal.
She eats her favorite food, she’s developed an incredible appetite and snoozes in the sun when the weather is nice. In the evening, she gets ready for our Netflix time together. At night she sleeps with her head on my shoulder.
For all pet lovers. I’ve been giving Tiger CBD oil for pets and I can’t recommend it enough. It helped her immediately navigate the anxiety and discomfort she was experiencing. It gave her back her incredible personality and for that, I’m terribly grateful.
What we give them
With pets, we feel we need to do everything to shield them and protect them. We love them so much.
We forget that by being WITH them, loving them and holding them close, we are already doing a lot.
We are giving them everything they want in the world.
At times like these, we get to show ourselves some grace and accept that some things aren’t in our control.
But being here, now, full of love for them, is.
I’m sharing all this here because in life, as pet owners, these painful moments can be hard to navigate.
We feel alone in our journey.
When I sent out these reflections in my newsletter, I was overwhelmed by the number of responses I got. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the majority of readers who wrote in their reactions were men.
If this post can help even just one person, me and my furry team, we’ve done our job.
For now, your only call to action is to go cuddle with your pets if you have any. Spend time with them and hold them tight. You can’t go wrong.
I’d love to hear from you, no matter what you have to say. Hi coffee lover, leave a comment and let’s chat